I have previously noted that one of the things that I remember most from my childhood was my father’s passion for poetry. He especially loved the Australian classics, particularly Paterson, and took time to read them to us and get us to learn them off by heart. So successful was he in this venture that I still can recite most of them more than 60 years later.
Dad also liked other poetry and one of his especial favourites was a little book by the Australian Poet, C J Dennis, called “The Glugs of Gosh”. Written in 1917, the book tells, in verse, the stories of a mythical kingdom called Gosh where the inhabitants had some very funny habits, “They climb the trees when it drizzles or hails, to get electricity into their nails.” and so forth. However, the book is really a very cleverly contrived satire on what Dennis saw were the faults and failings of the society of his time. The second layer of meaning of these poems went straight over my head as a child; I just enjoyed the humour. It was only later that I came to realise that the poet was making social comment.
In the Poem, “Sim the son of Joi” it says, “So Sim was sent off to school, and the first thing they taught him was the Golden Rule. Do unto others, the teacher said, and then he stopped and scratched his head. You may look the rest up in the book, said he, at present it doesn’t occur to me but do it whatever it happens to be.” It also talks of Gosh’s school, which “turn out vast hordes of learned fools.”
Anyway, I always loved “The Stones of Gosh” and I’m going to insert the whole text so you can read it all. I thought it was especially appropriate for the present time and I hope you enjoy it and are edified.
NOW, here is a tale of the Glugs of Gosh, And a wonderful tale I ween, Of the Glugs of Gosh and their great King Splosh, And Tush, his virtuous Queen. And here is a tale of the crafty Ogs, In their neighbouring land of Podge; Of their sayings and doings and plottings and brewings, And something about Sir Stodge. Wise to profundity, Stout to rotundity, That was the Knight, Sir Stodge.Oh, the King was rich, and the Queen was fair, And they made a very respectable pair. And whenever a Glug in that peaceful land, Did anything no one could understand, The Knight, Sir Stodge, he looked in a book, And charged that Glug with a crime called Crook. And the great Judge Fudge, who wore for a hat The sacred skin of a tortoiseshell cat, He fined that Glug for his action rash, And frequently asked a deposit in cash. Then every Glug, he went home to his rest With his head in a bag and his toes to the West; For they knew it was best, Since their grandpas slept with their toes to the West.But all of the tale that is so far told Has nothing whatever to do With the Ogs of Podge, and their crafty dodge, And the trade in pickles and glue. To trade with the Glugs came the Ogs to Gosh, And they said in seductive tones, “We’ll sell you pianers and pickels and spanners For seventeen shiploads of stones: Smooth ’uns or nobbly ’uns, Firm ’uns or wobbly ’uns, All we ask is stones.”And the King said, “What?” and the Queen said, “Why, That is awfully cheap to the things I buy! For that grocer of ours in the light brown hat Asks two and eleven for pickles like that!” But a Glug stood up with a wart on his nose, And cried, “Your Majesties! Ogs is foes!” But the Glugs cried, “Peace! Will you hold your jaw! How did our grandpas fashion the law?” Said the Knight, Sir Stodge, as he opened his Book, “When the goods were cheap then the goods we took.” So they fined the Glug with the wart on his nose For wearing a wart with his everyday clothes. And the goods were brought home thro’ a Glug named Ghones; And the Ogs went home with their loads of stones, Which they landed with glee in the land of Podge. Do you notice the dodge? Not yet did the Glugs, nor the Knight, Sir Stodge.In the following Summer the Ogs came back With a cargo of eight-day clocks, And hand-painted screens, and sewing machines, And mangles, and scissors, and socks. And they said, “For these excellent things we bring We are ready to take more stones; And in bricks or road-metal For goods you will settle Indented by your Mister Ghones.” Cried the Glugs praisingly, “Why how amazingly Smart of industrious Ghones!” And the King said, “Hum,” and the Queen said, “Oo! Then every month to the land of the Gosh And the King said, “Haw!” and the Queen said, “Oh! So the Glugs continued, with greed and glee,
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